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December 1 2012

Bigfoot Is Part Human, and Here Are the DNA Tests to Prove It, Claims Researcher


Bigfoot is people! At least that’s according to a new five-year study of the creatures purported DNA by a prominent Bigfootologist. “Genetically, the Sasquatch are a human hybrid with unambiguously modern human maternal ancestry,” reads a statement released last weekend by former veterinarian Melba T. Ketchum, the lead researcher of the study. ”Researchers’ extensive DNA sequencing suggests that the legendary Sasquatch is a human relative that arose approximately 15,000 years ago.” Yes, that would mean that Bigfoot is more man-ape than ape-man. However as the hominids are notoriously reclusive, if not entirely fictional — there has never been a single confirmed sighting — it’s unclear whether we will need to extend an invitation to our Sasquatch relatives for Easter brunch.

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